Things That Go Squeak in the Night

By Gordon Hopkins Squeak…squeak…squeak.That was the sound I heard last night, actually early this morning, as I stumbled in the dark from my bed to the bathroom.Regular readers of this column (both of you) are aware that I have cats. So, you can probably guess the source of the sounds.That's right…Styrofoam.I hate Styrofoam. I hate the feel. I hate the way static makes it stick to everything, making it nearly impossible to brush off. I especially hate that squeak…squeak…squeak noise it makes when I step on it at two in the morning in my Batman slippers.However, I like things that I buy and have delivered to my house through the mail to arrive in one piece. So, occasionally, I get boxes filled with Styrofoam.Most of these boxes are disposed of as soon as possible. Apparently, I must have missed one. Either that or there has been a whole mess of Styrofoam packing peanuts hidden in my house somewhere that one of my cats has recently discovered.Either way, Groucho, the little black cat with the sleepy eyes, has a stash of them somewhere and, try as I might, I cannot find them.Every day, I find more of the little white pellets on the floor. Sometimes it is just one or two. Sometimes it is a whole snowball's worth. Sometimes I will be sitting on the sofa, trying to find something to watch on TV that doesn't annoy me, and Groucho will come trotting into the room, holding a packing peanut proudly in his mouth as if the great hunter was bringing me a freshly dispatched rat.It has been several weeks now and I am wondering when Groucho's supply of packing peanuts will run out. Honestly, after all this time, how many more can there be left?For those of you wondering why Styrofoam is capitalized, I checked and it turns out Styrofoam is actually a brand name. According to Wikipedia, Styrofoam is, “a trademarked brand of closed-cell extruded polystyrene foam.”People use Styrofoam to describe any brand of closed-cell extruded polystyrene foam much the same way people use Kleenex, also a brand name, when they should say tissue.I don't know for sure that Groucho's stash of closed-cell extruded polystyrene foam peanuts are actually the Styrofoam brand or a knockoff. As a professional writer, I shouldn't call those annoying white chunks Styrofoam when I don't know that's what they are. On the other hand, I'm sure not writing out closed-cell extruded polystyrene foam over and over (like I just did), if I say Styrofoam, you know what I mean and let's just leave it at that.

Helen Fegter

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